beyond the smile,

is anxiety,
is past trauma you tried to express but don't know how,
is longing for the love you believe you are able to give but it somehow deactivated,
is questions of why,
is pain,

is a searching of light.

I don’t know how could people easily gain confidence, and thus the coolness they always have as if anything can be done in no time. I always and always recognize the difference between me and anyone next to me: they have a sheer of energy to help them raise and make things done in no time, like there’s no need to ignite a source of energy because they already have it instantly.

this pain. I want it to end.

:’(